Bonded
by TheSilentPrincess
Summary: Emily is Pregnant. Sam is ecstatic. Leah is definitely not. She will take comfort from anybody at this point, so what will happen when she finds herself on the Cullen's doorstep? Will she accept what she so desperately needs? or let old prejudices get in the way? Will she eventually find peace with the pregnancy and accept that she's going to be an aunt?
1. Intro

**A/N: This idea for this story came from Fanluv16. He is so awesome! When she told me this idea, I just had to write it. Hope all of you like it! It;s just the Intro now, but I'm going to be working on new chapters as soon as I post it, so I guarantee they'll be more. Please review if you have the time or the urge! Thank you!**

Leah's Pov-

Sam had called us over to his house this evening and we were all wondering why. We were all wondering a lot of things about Sam today. He had skipped his afternoon patrol, making Jacob do it instead, and wouldn't tell anyone why. All Jacob knew was that Sam told him too, and he obeyed. Was Sam sick? That was one of the younger wolves' first thoughts. _Of course not, dummy, wolves can't get sick, _I thought towards him. Jacob snapped at me to be nice, and the weight of the alpha command bore down on me. Whoa. An Alpha command? For something that little? Jacob was really worked up over this. We all were. Sam just didn't miss a patrol for absolutely no reason. He didn't just bow out. That was more like Embry's and Quill's jobs, not the Alpha's.

Well, not they're Alpha. Sam wasn't technically my alpha anymore, even still, after Jacob came back to LA Push and made Seth, Quil, Embry and I follow suit. He was still our Alpha, but it was highly recommended to listen to Sam. It was bearable. I mean, since we were still technically two packs, our minds weren't connected any longer unless we wanted them to be, so all I had to do was block out Sam and I was happy. Actually, the fact that we could now choose if we wanted to be in contact with the other packs came in handy….you know for battles and stuff. Not that Our Alphas were already connected, and we always got a second hand account….but firsthand is always better, right? And not that there had been any big battles since when the Volturi came to try to kill my Step niece and everybody else. But if there were….

At dinner, Mom noticed both me and Seth were a bit, for lack of a better word, antsy and questioned us. Of course Seth blurted it right out, "We think there's something wrong with Sam."

"Oh?" Mom asked, passing the Lasagna over to me.

"He didn't come and patrol with us today when he was supposed to, and in fact, he hasn't phased since yesterday morning." Seth explained. "He won't even tell Jacob Why."

"Maybe he's just busy." Charlie shrugged. My stepfather had been doing fairly well with the whole my two step kids are werewolves thing, especially with the whole "my daughter has changed and has a child that can't possibly be as old as she looks" thing. As long as we didn't phase in front of him, like Jacob did, was all he asked.

"Even if he was, he never has bailed on us before." I pointed out, "He has to be _really_ involved with something. Either that or there's an emergency with Emily or something. Either way, he should have told us." Despite the circumstances of my sick twisted history with Sam and Emily, I still felt worried that something might have happened to her. She still is my second cousin for goodness sakes. Besides, I understood and could accept the whole imprinting thing a little bit better now. Yes of course I already knew everything from Sam's mind, but I blocked myself of from truly understanding because I was just to hurt. But now, seeing Jacob with Nessie every day and having to deal with his worry every time he's not near her…Sam really couldn't help it.

"In any case, we're finding out tonight." Seth told them. "Sam called a meeting of all of us at his house."

"Well, I hope it's nothing horrible." My mother offered us a smile, "and if it is, you will give him my condolences won't you?"

"Of course, mom." I nodded, refilling my milk glass.

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of Twilight! It hasn't changed from my last story, it wont change now. I could only wish that I did...**


	2. Chapter 2

After dinner, I helped Mom put the dishes in the dishwasher and then Seth and I went outside to phase and head back to La Push. On the way, Seth was thinking of all the possible things Sam would tell us tonight. The most recent one was that Sam was quitting the pack. _You can't just quit the pack, you idiot, _I told him. He just mentally rolled his eyes at me. But maybe he was right…..maybe Sam was going to tell us he was going to stop phasing for the sake of Emily, and was leaving all of the wolves to Jacob.

_Now look who's thinking crazy stuff, _Seth snorted.

Okay, fine. That was pretty crazy too. First of all, Sam would never leave us, and second of all, if Jacob was in charge of all of us he would have a complex. No matter how funny that might be, it wasn't going to happen.

"I hope not." Seth murmured as we phased back into humans in the forest behind Sam's house. I gave him a reassuring smile and a pat on the back before we climb the stairs to the small house.

"Leah! Seth!" Our cousins greeted us with a smile on her face and a hug for each of us. That comforted me a little. If Emily was smiling that means it wasn't life threatening. Sam wasn't dying or anything. That was good, right? It sort of made me confused even more, but I tried to shake it back as I returned the hug. "You're the first ones here. You would think with everyone else being so close, they would have beaten you."

"Um….we had an early dinner," Seth explained, which was only half true, but I guess he didn't want Emily to know how worked up we were about this. Good, I didn't want her to know either. Yes, she was my cousin, and that would never change, and I was fairly open about the past now, but there's still some things I don't want to broadcast all over the world. My worry about what could turn out to be nothing one of them.

"Charlie does love Sue's cooking." Emily laughed, as Sam came down the stairs. He saw Emily standing there and immediately started to slide his arms around her waist and covering her face in little kisses.

"Ahem." I cleared my throat, cringing. What did they expect me to do? It was right in front of me. I guess I could have quietly walked away like most people would do, but since when has Leah Clearwater ever just walked away?

"Oh, Sorry Leah, didn't realize it was you standing there." Sam broke away, seeming embarrassed.

"That's alright." I murmured, stepping aside, and somehow, I meant it. I guess what they say was right, that time did heal all wounds a little. Either time or Jake and Nessie, either way I was thankful that I could stand here in this house with pain consuming my whole heart. It was in no means completely gone, but still bearable.

"Where are the others?" Sam asked, stepping away from Emily so that they weren't touching at all.

"We don't know. We had to go back to our house." Seth shrugged. "Jacob did mention he was going to check in with the Cullen's though."

"Well, he's not going to show up any time soon." Emily rolled her eyes.

"He'll be here." Seth assured. "They'll all be. We all been worried, Sam!"

"Yeah, what's the big idea?" I demanded. "You sure know how to get everyone in a tizzy! This one here thought you were going to tell us you were quitting the pack, and one of the new kids? Brandon? He thought wolves could actually get sick." I cringed, I really have to stop calling them the new ones, it's been six years.

Sam and Emily laughed at that, _laughed_, for goodness sakes! "It's nothing like that." Sam assured. "Nothing bad."

"Nothing bad? It has to be something bad! You wouldn't….you wouldn't be _able_ to abandon your patrol if it wasn't something bad." I exclaimed.

"It has to be something bad?" Sam chuckled. "Calm down, Leah. There's not. I'll tell you when everyone gets here, it wouldn't be fair if I tell you two first after I went through great lengths to hide this from all of you."

Extreme lengths of hiding it from us? What the heck did that mean? We can't hide things from each other, it's what Jacob calls wolf telepathy. I sighed. Sam was obviously playing mind games and I was done. Before I got even more irritated, I silently went to the living room and sat on the couch to wait for everyone else. He was doing this on purpose! He wanted to see me flounder, to see me worry. No just me, but Seth too. He wanted to be all confusing with his happiness and disappearing from our radars for a day in a half and….oh. He was trying to hide whatever secret he had from us, that's why he didn't go out on patrol today, so we wouldn't see. Well, don't I just feel like an idiot now? I mean, how many times have I tried to pull the same thing? Refusing to phase so they couldn't read my mind. It never seemed to work for me though. I would either end up getting mad enough for some reason that I would phase involuntarily or Sam would threaten me with bodily harm if I didn't start doing my duty for my tribe. One time they did let me go for a week, though. So I guess I could say it never worked…

"You're really bothered by this, huh?" Seth came into the room to sit besides me and whisper. "Don't worry, it really can't be anything bad. Sam doesn't even know how to smile if things are bad, you know that. And besides they are legitly happy out there. When Sam came down the stairs it was as if he didn't even notice us, he was that wrapped up in happiness."

I looked at my brother. Wasn't I the one that was assuring him just ten minutes ago? And he really wasn't helping anyways. I was still uncomfortable with the fact that I was so concerned about my ex-boyfriends well-being. Sure, before I could reason it as it was because he was my alpha, but I couldn't even do that anymore. "I know." I agreed.

"Oh." Seth read that I really didn't want to talk and we sat there in silence for a good while until we heard another pack mate coming through the door, which was surprisingly Jacob.

"How's Nessie?" We heard Emily ask first thing.

"Right here." Nessie voice could be heard responding. "Jacob wasn't sure if I was allowed to come, so he told me to ask you guys."

"Sure, you can stay, the more the merrier." Sam responded, making Nessie squeal in delight. "I wanna know what's going on too." She then got serious.

It only took twenty more minutes for all the rest of us to arrive, which was surprising, seeing as this was an informal human meeting. See, if Sam had told us to meet in the forest, we would all have been there within a minute of each other. It would seem like official pack business then.

"Alright." Sam announced, following everybody in the living room. "Let's get down to business."

**A/N: I hope you guys like this Chapter. Sorry it took me so long to get it up, I kept getting distracted. Review please! And thank you for all you follows and reviews of the last Chapter! Xoxoxoxoxoxox!**


	3. Chapter 3

Why does this always happen to me? Why can't Leah Clearwater be happy for any amount of time? I kicked a rock and hurt my foot. I didn't care! I didn't care about anything anymore! I hoped around one footed for a few steps, and then phased. I could deal with this better as a wolf anyways. Who was I kidding? I couldn't deal with this in any form! I didn't see this coming and I was sure as hell not prepared for it. Sam's and Emily's happiness _killed_ me now. Absolutely in insufferably _killed _me. I saw a deer through my red angry vision and went after it to maul it in my anger.

I couldn't even put into words why I was so enraged. Couldn't do it. Well, I could, but I couldn't put into words _why_.

Emily was pregnant. Pregnant! I went after the already dead deer again.

Sam thought it was perfect. Sam thought it was more than perfect. It was the best thing ever in his world, better than even winning the lottery, better than the best thing he could ever dream of.

I didn't think I was the best thing ever. I wasn't ecstatic about it. I wasn't excited about it. I wasn't happy about it. The minute Emily told all our assembled pack mates, my mending heart broke to into a thousand tiny pieces again. Sam's smile and laughter broke those tiny pieces into a thousand more pieces. Then just the simple fact that everybody else was extremely happy for them, and nobody seen me just sitting their numb, broke those two thousand pieces into a million more. I don't know how long I just sat there; numb and watching Nessie bound up and hug Emily, followed by everybody else. I don't even remember making the conscious decision to get up and walk away. I was glad that I kept control while doing it though. I didn't scream, I didn't cry, I didn't punch anyone….I didn't do anything except calmly walked out. "Leah…" Sam was the only one that acknowledged me by whispering my name brokenly.

That made it worse. Sam shouldn't have to feel bad just because of me. This was his day. His moment.

_Damn, Leah, make up your mind, _I commanded myself.

One thing was for sure, I was definitely going to beg Jacob to completely separate the packs again. How could anyone honestly expect me to deal with Sam after this? It would be complete madness, torture even. I couldn't do it.

I was Leah Clearwater. I was strong. I survived my dad dying. I survived phasing for the first time, I survived being the only girl wolf then anyone's ever heard of. I survived Sam imprinting on my own cousin and leaving me for her. I survived having to deal with them every day for years. I survived my mother remarrying. I survived being a vampire guard dog back when I completely and utterly hated them. I survived so many things it wasn't even funny, but I couldn't survive this.

How would I know, though? I thought I couldn't survive when Sam first left me all those years ago. I thought I couldn't survive all those times…but I knew I wouldn't be able to survive this time if I had to deal with Sam everything day. If I had to see Emily's stomach growing progressively in the next nine months and Sam kissing it and doing all those things the guys do in the movies. If I had to see those babies when they were born and if I have to think that if it was years earlier those could have been my babies.

I wouldn't survive.

By now the deer was completely annihilated, and not even a deer anymore. I wish it never was a deer, I wish it was Sam. I wish it was Emily. I wish it was whatever created the first wolf gene because then my whole life would have been different! I wish it was the first ever vampire, so the wolf gene would have ever got triggered.

I kind of wish it was me, even.

"Leah?"

I jumped at the human voice. A human this deep in the forest? But, it wasn't a human; it was just a traitor….and another traitor. It was quite interesting that I'm in such a….mental state that I couldn't sense the one traitor in my mind until now.

_We are not traitors._ Jacob thought. _And trust me, you do not want to kill yourself._

Like heck I didn't. How did he know?

_I know exactly what you're feeling Leah, remember?_

Forget about wolf telepathy! It didn't matter! He still didn't know what I wanted to do and how much I wanted to do it!

_Okay_. Jacob reasoned.

Wait what? He didn't want to fight with me on this! But…. HA! He was right, he wouldn't win! But still…..

_We're going home, Leah. Do what you want, but remember, I need my pack._ With that Jacob turned on all four of his paws and strode off in the other direction with Nessie trailing him.

Isn't that cute? He needed his pack and he was going home. He had a pack. He had fifteen other pack mates. What was one less? The home thing hit a nerve though. He wasn't going back to Billy's, he was going back to the Cullen's. The place he was going to stay if Bella and Edward didn't kick him out because they wanted their daughter to themselves. The place where he belonged and felt happy. The place that he could go to get away from the pack drama and problems, and be with the other people who accept him.

I wish I had people like that. And not Mom and Charlie! They didn't count. They were part of my pack life, well, more so Mom then Charlie, but they were sort of a packaged deal now a days. Everyone was kind of a packaged deals now a days, which sort of made even the Cullen's not completely pack free, but almost. Exceptions had to be made sometimes….

Wait….Did I just start thinking of something other than destroying things? Maybe Jacob was onto something. I couldn't make a sane decision about any of this until I get away from everything. Away from the wolves. Away from LA Push period. But I had nowhere else to go! I was stuck, and honestly I wasn't even sure if I _wanted _to make a decision, a sane one I mean. I was tired of sane! I didn't want to be sane anymore. Sane people get into a whole load of drama that was unnesacary but then again, insane people did to.

**A/N: Yay! I was able to make this one a little longer than the first two. I hope you liked the angsty thoughts of Leah. Please review with you thoughts and/or comments. **


	4. Chapter 4

There was a period of time when I didn't know what I did. I didn't think I was conscious of even my major body actions, not to mention what my mind was doing for a big chunk of time. All I could remember was red and anger and sadness. All I could think of now was red and anger and sadness, so I really wasn't concerned about missing anything.

Well, maybe I was, because now I was in a completely different forest then where I started off from. I wasn't even in LA Push anymore. What the heck? I really had no recollection of getting here. This had never quite happened before. I always had quite a grip of what I did during my fits of anger and anguish, even if they went on for weeks. So I couldn't for the life of me figure out why today was any different? Yes, I was more upset and angry then I had been in a while but it wasn't like this angriest I _ever _been.

Then it was also _where_ I was that was bothering me. I knew this forest well. Oh, yes, I spent a lot of time here, especially six years ago when I got fed up with my broken heart the last time. Is that why my body took it unto itself to come here? It found solace here before, so did it think it would now?

Well, I would have told it Congats, good job….if it wasn't for a tiny little detail.

_There was nobody here to help me find the solace._

It wasn't like I'm going to look in the river a couple miles away and be like, oh, hey, look! Solace! No, not going to happen. Maybe it happens to some other people. Normal people. Maybe they had "happy places" Maybe they had people to give them a hug in those said happy places. I had the dirt, the trees, and that stupid river a couple a couple miles away. That was it. For a wolf, the forest was the best place ever. The forest was our haven, and our home. But for the angry anguished wolf the forest could be the loneliest places ever. Oh, it could also be as good for them as normal days, especially if they wanted to be alone, but for me, today, right now, it wasn't. Normally I would want to be alone, but the fact that I suddenly found myself here was concerning. So concerning that it took preside over Emily and Sam for the time being.

I was scared. Leah Clearwater six years ago wouldn't have admitted that, but Leah Clearwater now could. I was scared that if I was left alone for any more time I could end up in some place that I didn't know. Something could happen. I could die without making the decision too.

But…I blew my chance. I just sent away the two people that would have helped me. The two people that I would have been okay with.

They were just a couple of miles away though! This was _there_ forest after all. All I had to do was phase back and go up to the house and get them.

I didn't think I _could_ phase back, though. I didn't have enough control of my anger yet. But I could always go up to the house as a wolf. Jacob would know what I wanted and would come out and help me.

Wouldn't he be surprised to have Leah Clearwater crawling to him for help? I bet he never thought one of these days would happen again.

But I wouldn't be asking for the help he was going to think I was going too. I just wanted someone to keep watch over me to make sure I didn't end up in Africa or somewhere. To make sure I didn't turn into the magical traveling wolf.

"Leah?" I suddenly heard a voice from behind me and then noticed the Vampire scent had just became quite a bit stronger.

I turned around out of habit and saw none other than Carlisle and Esme standing there, who by the looks of it, just got done hunting.

"Is Nessie and Jake back already? Is Sam okay?" Esme inquired.

_Sam. _No everything was not okay. The name pierced through me like a sharp knife.

I howled.

**A/N: I'm sorry, guys, I feel this chapter's sort of choppy but decided to put it up anyways to see what you think. Is it? Review! Thank you so much for all the Reviews, Favorites and Follows I've got for past chapters. You are all so wonderful!**


	5. Chapter 5

Of course, Carlisle and Esme didn't speak wolf howl so they didn't understand why exactly I howled, so when it became apparent that I wasn't going to phase back for them, the next step was going in the house and inquiring from the people that actually could speak English. So let's just say, they now know why I howled. Only a couple minutes after Jacob and Nessie told them, all of the sudden Jacob came out to phase and talk to me. I was alright with him just being here, but not with the talking part.

_Fine, we don't have to talk, but I'm not going to stay wolf all night, so if you just phase back it will be a thousand and five times easier and all of us._

His annoyance shown through in his words. Aw well, he can handle being annoyed. If I was forced to suffer through this insane torture, he can handle slight annoyance.

_I know, Leah._ Jacob thought sympathetically. _I feel horrible for you, and so does Ness and everybody else. Even Sam feels horrible._

_Talking._ I gasped out.

_Oh. Sorry._ He apologized.

But wheater talking, or thinking, I still saw his thought. Everybody in the Cullen house did feel horrible for me, especially Nessie Rose Bella and Esme. Nessie felt the worse that she was one of the ones that ignored me back at his house. "Sam and Emily were just so happy, and then the pack…ugh. I just kind of assumed she would be happy to, so I didn't even pay attention." She explained to Bella, who gave her a reassuring hug and told her that I eventually will forgive her. Would I? Esme wanted to march right back out here and start consoling me herself, and when Jacob told her that he had it, she kind of got offended. I really didn't want to listen to Sam's reaction, but since it stood out the most in Jacob's head, I guess I didn't have a choice.

I guess when I walked out, the happiness in the pack died down _a lot. _A lot of them wanted to go after me, but Jacob and Sam both told them no. They insisted that it would make it worse, which it probably would have. A little later, after everyone just sort of sat there, mostly silent, Sam proclaimed that he was going after me himself, but this time, Jacob told him no. He almost didn't listen. His hurt filled brown eyes filled up Jacobs mind.

_Serves him right._ I thought _and I think you know and understand that I don't and why I can't forgive you or Renesmee right now or possibly not ever again. Out of anyone, I expected you two too help me the most._

_Yep. _Jacob agreed._ For what its worth I'm sorry too._

And he was. I could see it. He wasn't going to tell Nessie what I said, though, It would make her more upset then she already was. I agreed, and didn't blame him there. Even if I was able to phase back, I probably wouldn't come right out and tell her that myself either. It was the cold hard truth, but I also kind of knew she couldn't handle hearing it right now.

_Just like you couldn't handle seeing Sam's reaction just now. _

_Exactly._ I nodded. What? Was he trying to get me to tell Nessie or something? Why would he say that? I told you something you didn't want to know so you should go and tell someone I care about what they don't want to know? I knew he really didn't want me to tell Nessie, at least I thought he wouldn't. why would he want to deal with his imprintee being a sobbing mess?

Ah, he didn't. He just wanted me to have the idea in my head so that I would stop thinking about Sam and phase back. He would talk me out of confronting Nessie later.

_Darn wolf telepathy, _he thought.

Yes, darn wolf telepathy was right, but while it wasn't because of that, or right then, he eventually got me back human. I wasn't sure if it was really him or me, though. It didn't matter. All that did was that I was suddenly standing naked in the forest, watching human Jacob in the distance walking up the steps to the porch of the Cullen house.

Okay, so it was because I freaked out because he was going to leave me alone again. Shoot me.

I only had one option if I didn't want to be alone, phase human and go hang out with the vampires, so that's what I did. Yet again, it wasn't conscious command. I didn't yell _Phase Leah!_ It just happened. Not that I yelled that any other time, because that would be kind of weird, not to mention worry my pack mates.

I hoped Jacob would advise everybody that I didn't want to talk. That I wanted too….I don't know. Just sit there? Yes, I wanted to just sit there and relish in my anguish. I realized I had to deal him Jake and Nessie, but that was a small price to pay to make myself safe. At least for now. Could I assure everybody I wouldn't come to the decision to come back out here and do something to myself ten minutes after I got in the house? Not at all. But at least I was attempting, and nobody could blame me for that. It what Jacob wanted, didn't he?

I quickly got shoved my legs and arms through my shorts and t- shirt and went to quickly follow Jacob before I changed my mind. I could already tell that I wasn't going to like dealing with this as a human at all. The wolf mind could deal with emotions so much better, especially the bad ones.

But as I said before, exceptions had to be made.

**A/N: Hope you guys loved it! Review!**


	6. Chapter 6

As I walked into the Cullen house, every single one of them were gathered in the living room. Nobody was doing anything except waiting. So nobody could blame me for glaring at Jacob, because I thought they were going to launch an attack right away. It was obvious he didn't understand the reason for the glare, because he just kind of ignored me and went to sit by Nessie. "Hey." I nodded to all of them choosing to sit at the end of the couch next to Alice. Alice immediately reached out and patted my shoulder in comfort with her pixie like ice cold hand. It made me think of seven years ago, when her touching me would be the worst thing that could happen. I would flinch and walk away and probably say a couple dozen nasty things. Today, it just made me want to cry. These people truly cared about me, didn't they? As much as they cared about Jacob? I was jealous that Jacob had a place that was pack drama free to go to, but, I failed to realize I did too. Just being here for two seconds and one instance of contact told me that, and I would do good to remember it. Nonetheless, I still didn't want to talk about it, and I prayed that nobody else touched me reassuringly because I didn't want to cry in front of them. I didn't cry in front of anyone. Even really caring vampires.

I offered a small sad smile to Alice just as Jacobs cell phone went off in Nessie's hands. It was Cullen issued-a welcome to the family gift. I thought it was really stupid at first. A cellphone and a werewolf? What if you have it in your pocket and you have to phase? Bye bye cell phone. But it's actually proven pretty useful, and Jacob hadn't destroyed it once.

"Hey." Jacob took it out of Renesmee's hands and opened it.

"Is Leah alright?" My brother demanded from the other end.

Jacob sighed. "She's sitting right here." He growled in the phone.

"Oh." Seth responded. "Sorry, man, but Mom knows and she flipped out. What was I supposed to do?"

Seth! That idiot! He went home and told Mom?! Now I was going to have more to answer for. Seth knew better! He didn't have to go home, and we both knew that full well. He could have stayed at Sam's for all I cared!

"Well tell Sue that I have her in my presence and that all her limbs are still intact." Jacob rolled her eyes and hung up the phone right away, probably knowing that I was close to stealing the phone and giving my brother a piece of my mind. "We haven't trained him enough it seems." He then said to me with a smile.

I had to agree and nod back.

"Leah, I'm soooooooo sorry." Nessie started "I-"

"She knows, Ness." Jacob interrupted her. "I told her everything."

"Oh." Nessie frowned. "I feel so bad."

"I know." Jacob nodded. "Come here." He opened his arms for she could sit on his lap. Even though she was fully matured, she was still three heads shorter then Jacob and much smaller, so she fit easily. He planted a kiss on her forehead and stroked her hair.

"We _all _feel bad, Leah." Bella told me. "We can only imagine her hard this is."

"I'm sure you do." I answered with the same small smile. I was surprised my face muscles even remembered how. Smiling was the last thing they actually _wanted _to do. They actually wanted to rip Sam's head off, but as I was trying not to think of that, I didn't want to mention it.

"We do." Esme confirmed. "We just want you to know that we're here and will be happy to talk."

"Or just provide a safe haven for you." Carlisle added. "Of course you already know that our house is open to you anytime, just like it is for the rest of your pack."

I nodded. "I haven't forgotten. Thank you."

"Wolf stench and all." Emmett grinned good naturedly. If I didn't know how he was and that he was just joking, I would of flew off the handle. As it was, I had to work very hard not to given the current situation.

"Yeah? Vamp stench is worse. Always has been. Always will." I tried to tease him, but just wasn't into it today. It didn't even come out snotty. It came out monotone, like a dying whale. I don't know why me sounding like that did it, but I started tearing up. Once it got so bad that I had to wipe the tears pooling up in my eyes away, I clenched my fists angrily. I didn't want anyone to see me cry.

"Leah…" Jacob warned.

"I'm not going to phase!" I informed him angrily. I couldn't afford too. I would keep my composure even if it was the last thing I did.

"Just checking." He muttered. "Just checking."

"It's okay to cry, Leah." Esme reminded me gently. "It helps."

How does she know? She can't even cry! And excuse me, how does she know it was going to help my situation? Has she ever been in it before? Have any of them? No! They haven't! They can't even imagine the pain of having someone that a part you still loved have a child with another girl! They don't know how it was to feel like you've been betrayed all over again. How it was to feel helpless, because you didn't want to feel that way, you just did. You knew it was wrong but…

But then I realized they did. Maybe none of them went through exactly this but they each had their own stories that they had to get through, that I'm sure they had completely wrong feeling about. When I realized that, I quickly realized that each and every one of them were desperate to help me. Well, maybe not all of them but still. It was inconsiderate to just sit here and cry and not say anything. These people were my friends. My step sister. My Niece. My Alpha. If I didn't let them in, I was no better than I felt Sam was at this point. Did I really want to be that? Did I really want to change my suicide reason to me being a bad person from a broken heart?

And plus I know the one person in this room that will be more willing to help than anyone else. The one person that I knew if she didn't it would literally pain her.

"Esme?" I asked. "Can we talk? But….alone?"

**A/N: I couldn't write this chapter for days, but I finally did it! I hope you all liked it and will give me awesome reviews! Thanks for the people who read and support this story already! And if you haven't. I hope this chapter convinces you too! Please review about anything, ideas, comments, questions, anything! Love you, my lovely reader's! Xoxoxoxoxo!**


	7. Chapter 7

"Go, Jake, We'll be fine." Esme said. Jacob was the last one left in the room, just standing there, unsure what to do. He was probably scared that I was going to freak out on Esme and phase. I snorted, as if! Jake knew me better than that! Didn't I earn some credit here?

"Yes, Jacob, I won't eat her." I told him.

"But…" Jacob still appraised me with unsure eyes.

"Go!" Esme commanded him. "Go Find Nessie."

Nessie was the magic word and with one last warning look at me, he shrugged and walked away mumbling under his breath. I huffed a sigh of frustration; he really gets on my nerves sometimes.

"He's just worried about me." Esme assured.

"I know." I spoke quietly. "But excuse me if I don't want him around when I talk about girl crap." I pulled my knees up on the couch, hiding my face. What was I doing? Who was I? Here I was, a wolf, talking to a vampire. What was this world coming to? What was I coming to? Years ago, I wouldn't even think about doing this. But I needed somebody to talk to. I learned years ago spending years alone trying to deal with this Sam and Emily crap was not the best thing for me. I didn't want to go back there; I didn't want to spend however many more years pining over them. And I guess, way deep down, I knew I really didn't die over this. But the cold hard truth? I was if I didn't find a way to feel better, and soon.

"Leah…" Esme started, orienting her body towards me, but not moving from her seat in the other chair. She probably realized I wasn't ready to have a bloodsucker touch me in comfort yet. She was probably right. I looked at her, but couldn't meet her eyes, embarrassed. What would she think of me now, not just her, but the others too? That whenever something bad happens, Im going to have to go running to someone to help me? Will the pack now look down on me not only as a person, but as a wolf? Will Sam laugh at me when he hears? I gulped, for some reason that was the worse. "Don't feel bad for having to talk to someone about this." Esme continued, like she was reading my mind. Maybe she was, did she suddenly morph into Edward or something?

"I don't feel bad." I muttered.

"That's a load of Crap."

I jumped. I had never heard Esme talk like that before. I never even knew she knew the phrase 'that's a load of crap.' And even though she still said it in her sweet Esme like way, it still had the same effect as if, say, I said it.

"You look like a sad puppy dog Leah, I never seen you like this, even remotely close to this, excuse the pun."

Pun excused. She was actually right; I felt more like a puppy then a wolf right now. God, I hated this!

"And really, you _should_ feel bad. I would think you weren't human if you didn't. Watching someone that you love and care about in that way, move on, is hard. Even-"

"But I was over him!" I growled suddenly, cutting Esme off. "I forgave them both! Up until a few hours ago, I could walk in their house at any time and didn't have to worry about not being able to handle it! I could watch them show a little bit of affection; I can bear to run patrols with Sam, I even made it through their wedding for goodness sakes." That part was a little bit of a lie. I made it through half of their wedding. Well, I made it through the ceremony, standing up there as Emily's maid of honor, but by the time that ended, I had to leave and recompose myself, only coming back halfway through the reception. I thought that was bad, standing there, watching their first kiss as man and wife, knowing that even if it was possible for an imprint to fade away, they would still be married. She would still have him completely first, but this? This was far worse.

"You were over him." Esme assured. "I'm not contesting to that, Leah. You were over him, and you forgave them, but, sometimes things happen to make you relapse. Big things. The man you once loved when you were younger, that you once talked about getting married and having children with, suddenly is starting a family with somebody else, and is happy. It won't matter if it's a month after you forgave him, or fifty years. It still hurts. You once wanted someone-and something- you can't have anymore."

"But I don't want him anymore!" I growled again. "He's happy with Emily! And that's all I want is him to be happy!" I turned my head to glare at the wall. I never said those words out loud, and they just tumbled from my mouth unconsciously. I wondered if they were really true, or just my mind wanting them to be true? Did I want Sam to be happy? My cousin? I grew up loving Emily like a sister, and I loved Sam to death. I surely didn't want them to be completely unhappy, surely, but did… I shook my head angrily. My own thoughts are even starting not to make sense! My hands clenched up in fists, and I flexed them. I looked back at Esme pleadingly. Why couldn't she have a magical wand she can wave and make me better?

Esme stayed silent, staring at me with her golden brown compassion filled eyes. I couldn't believe how much compassion they contained. And they contained it for me. They understood me. But how the heck could they possibly do that when I couldn't understand myself? I narrowed my eyes, I must be seeing things.

"You want him to be happy." Esme repeated quietly and nodded to herself. "I'm proud of you, Leah, for admitting that. There's nothing wrong with wanting him to be happy. Heck, Leah, look at me." She commanded softly when I looked away.

Wow, she was surprising me left and right today. She knew the word heck too. This is interesting. I listened to her, and turned my face back to her.

"I wanted my ex-husband to be happy too. And he beat me! Almost to death, Leah, many times, and I still wanted him to be happy. Ask Carlisle. So, trust me when I say, you don't have to be ashamed of it. You loved him, just as I loved my human husband. It doesn't make you weak, it makes you strong."

I might have been surprised when Esme told me see used to get beaten, but I already knew that. Jacob told me before when I asked him why Esme was the way she was. She just seemed more….I don't know how to explain it. It hardly mattered, I asked Jake, and he told me, not just that but the whole story. I knew she had a kid, I knew that kid was the reason she jumped of the cliff. Did Esme know I knew before just now? I don't' think that mattered either. All that did was that she told me, and I felt a little honored that she did. I know it was probably tough for her to talk about….

…So maybe she did understand me. No, our situations aren't exactly the same, but still….

"You want him to be happy, but not until you have something to fill the whole that he left to make you happy, and you don't realize that until it's too late, so it frightens you." Esme's eyes pierced thought mine.

**A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I'm getting very emotional with it, and thinking about writing the next chapter makes me want to cry because I know what it's going to contain. ** **As always, thank you for all your support, my lovely readers. I couldn't write this without you! Review please! **


	8. Chapter 8

"Maybe I am frightened." I finally admitted after a couple minutes of awkward silence. "But of exactly what?" I shrugged to myself. It was a legitimate question. What did I really have to be frightened of? It didn't make any sense.

"The fact that you want him to be happy." Esme calmly explained again. "You spent so much time and energy hating him, that the sudden change took you by surprise."

"So what you're telling me is that my sub-conscious is really happy about him…..her…the babies?" God, I couldn't even say it! _So what you're saying is that my subconscious is really happy about Sam getting Emily pregnant?_ There, I could think it. My hands balled in fist and they started shaking, but at least I could. _Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant. Emily Emily Emily. Sam. _Okay, I should stop or else I would break my promise to Jacob, and phase in front of Esme.

Well, it_ is_ your cousin." Esme pointed out. "I would be ecstatic if my cousin was beginning family and was happy about it."

Okay, I had to give her that. If Emily had gone and married some other guy and got pregnant, I would be completely happy for her. But the fact of the matter remained that it wasn't some other guy, it was Sam. "Any other circumstances…" I trailed off, face scrunching up.

Esme just simply stared at me, leaving me in my own thoughts. But the problem was, I didn't really have any thoughts. Well, I did, but I already thought them, and no matter how many times I think it, it still wouldn't make sense. The question still remained of how I could have been perfectly okay with the relationship yesterday, but today I was literally back to square one. I hated this! I deserve to be happy! I deserve to be happy for Emily, and do cousin like stuff that normal people do when their cousins are pregnant. "I want to be happy for them." I finally admitted. "I hate this! And you know what makes it worse? Sam knew I hated it! Their faces when I walked out of the house, pure guilt. They shouldn't feel bad because of me! I shouldn't be a shadow over their lives!" I was back to being Sam's pathetic ex-girlfriend again. I didn't want to be the pathetic ex-girlfriend. I wanted to just Leah. Was that too much to ask? Just Leah Clearwater.

"They should have told you alone." Esme told me. "Before everyone else. They owed you that. And I think they know that."

"They did owe me that!" I exclaimed. "But…I don't know if that would make much of a difference."

"I think it would have." Esme reasoned a thoughtful expression on her face. "You would have felt more comfortable to tell them your feelings if you weren't around all your pack mates. And-"

"They would have found out anyways!" I exclaimed. "Hello? Wolf telepathy!" God, I was starting to think talking to Esme wasn't the greatest idea in the world. She knows that. I know she did. I batted the hair out of my eyes angrily.

"This is not a wolf thing, Leah." Esme shrugged, repeating quietly, not seeming to notice that my blood pressure was rising. "I know this would be much easier for you if it were, but it's not, it's a person thing."

A person thing? Was she serious? I stared at her as if she was crazy!

"I think you need to talk to Sam and Emily alone."

What?! No! Was she…Did she….Did she seriously just suggest that? I couldn't talk to them! Especially now! Maybe even for the rest of my life! Erg! I may even to ask Jacob to separate the packs completely again! I shook my head. I don't care. I wasn't doing it!

"I really think you should." Esme said again. Oh, for goodness sakes! The woman needs to stop reading my mind.

"I can't!" I shook my head. "It's not going to work."

"How do you know?" She asked

"Because I do!" I snapped, turning away.

"Leah…" Esme sighed.

"I won't do it!" I argued.

"I don't think you have a choice, unfortunanly." Esme responded. "Do you want to feel like this for the rest of your life? What about when the baby is born? Are you going to punish him or her for this?"

"I hate babies anyways." I growled; seriously think off getting up and walking out. She was supposed to be helping me! Not suggesting impossible things! What would I even say to them? What could they possibly say to me that will make this all better? That this was a practical joke, that she wasn't pregnant. That I didn't have to worry about it anymore? That would be a relief, but I didn't think it will happen.

My luck wasn't that good.

"It's going to be an innocent baby, Leah." Esme spoke again.

"So What?" I spat.

**A/N: I hope you like it. Sorry it took so long to put up, and it's so short. I've been busy lately. I'll do better next time, promise! Review!**


	9. Chapter 9

After I had basically dissed an innocent baby in front of Esme, She had gotten angry with me saying that if I didn't want help, I shouldn't have asked for it in the first place. I was so shocked to see her angry! I would expect that kind of answer from my pack mates not from her. Maybe that what she was going for though, because it did get me back into shape.

"I…" I started. "I want help I just can't talk to them!" I wailed, not wanting her to go and feeling a bit like a three year old kid not wanting their mommy to leave them at bedtime. Maybe I should have reached out, yelled "Mommy!" and started crying and sucking my thumb.

"Why?" Esme persisted.

I snorted, she knew that answer, everyone knew that answer. Because they were simply Sam and Emily. It was nothing more than that, nothing less.

"Well?"

Crap. Having those wide butterscotch eyes staring into mind was like a prison. You had no choice but to give in to them, tell them what they want to her, and you have no hope of escaping. "They're Sam and Emily." I muttered.

"So? You could talk to them yesterday. You can talk to Sam about patrol; you can talk to Emily about life, why can't you talk to them about the baby?"

"Because it's the baby." I snapped getting frustrated again, why was she making me voice this stuff when she already knew it? This conversation was just going round and round it seemed.

"No other reason?" She asked. "It wouldn't be awkward or painful?"

Okay, maybe she was getting somewhere. "Well, of course it will be both of those." I admitted.

"The Leah Clearwater I know doesn't run away when things get a little awkward or painful." Esme informed me then, with so much as a pause or a blink of an eyelid. "The Leah Clearwater I know is tough and will stand up for herself. If I knew the Leah Clearwater you are trying to be right now, trying to make me believe you are, I wouldn't have even known you. You would have stayed in La Push instead of helping out your brother and Jacob because it would have been too tough to hang around bloodsuckers without killing us. If you were the Leah Clearwater that you're trying to put off, you probably wouldn't even be on this earth right now."

Her words left the room with a hollow and empty feeling, and left us both dead silent. She was undeniably right, I knew she was. She knew I knew she was too, from her never wavering stare. It basically came down to that I've been through so much already, was I really going to let this baby be the death of me, quite literally?

Emily would be heart broken. Sam would be devastated. The pack…..well, I wasn't sure if they would ever be able to heal if they lost one of their members. The Cullen's? Well, Esme would take it personally. I'm sure Nessie would too. I almost smiled as I imagined her probably back at the cottage now sitting close by Edward Bella or Jacob seeking comfort. She had grown so close to me in the past seven years, and I honestly grown close to her, not only as my Alphas imprint, or my stepsister's daughter, but almost as if she was my younger sister. I couldn't bear to hurt her, just as much as I really couldn't bear to hurt Emily.

God, I would hurt so many people if I did that…

I didn't want to suffer as much pain as I had to suffer throughout all of this. I was better than that.

"Do you really think they'll talk to me after I just walked out like that and ruined the moment?" I gulped; I guess I was afraid of that happening too. What if I went too far? What if I got pissed off at them one time too many ruined their lives one time to many that I just got written off after I walked out of their house. What if we do talk, and I by some miracle, feel better about all of this, but when the baby is finally born they don't allow me near it because, oh, I don't know, they think I might wolf out on it because actually seeing it will be too much?

"What kind of question is that?" Esme asked. "Of course they will talk to you."

Nice to see somebody have confidence.

"Leah." Esme sighed, seeing my thought in my eyes. "When you yelled at Jacob and Renesmee in the forest that you wanted to be alone, of course they came back here, and of course Nessie was upset so we wanted to know what was wrong. Jake told us the whole story _including_ what happened after you walked out of that house. Leah, trust me, they want to talk to you."

I groaned, that just made me feel a little worse. I could only imagine the words that were said. Emily probably even had tears in her eyes because she somehow ended up hurting me even more….

I had to stop this.

"Okay." I quietly agreed. "I'll talk to them."

Esme smiled. "I knew you would see the light."

The light? I snorted. Well, maybe. Maybe it will end up being the "total darkness". But I still stood by my words earlier; I would see what exactly it would turn out to be for everyone else. That's what I did, right? That's what wolves were made for. To be there for their village. For their families. Cullen's included. "So I guess I better get going." I half got up and stretched out my legs. "I got a conversation to have." I was slightly worried about my trip back to LA push. I wasn't that confident in my resolve. Maybe my wolf will take over again and take me to an unknown place again. I gulped. Maybe I could drag Jacob away from Nessie long enough to run with me on the way back. Kind of like a guardian. I chuckled darkly.

Esme shook her head. "Leah, it's late."

She did have a point. I glanced up at the clock above the mantel piece and it said it was close to ten o clock.

"And I don't think you got your thoughts together enough yet to really have the conversation be effective." She went on. "So why don't you stay here tonight, and you can head back in the morning?"

Okay, again, she had a point. What the heck would I say when I got to Sam and Emily's doorstep? I didn't have a clue. I _did_ need to think. "I…I don't want to phase alone." I admitted, it was the only problem with that scenario. I definitely wasn't sleeping out in the Cullen's back yard as a human.

"Don't be silly. You can sleep _inside_." Esme stressed. "As a human."

Oh. I never quite did that before. I hung out here for seven years, but never once slept a full night here. Yeah, a cat nap here and there on days like Christmas's when Mom and Charlie decided to stay to long and I was exhausted by patrols but never more than an hour, in anything except a chair or the couch.

"I think you know by now that we don't bite." Esme smiled, staring at my facial expressions intently.

"Alright." I agreed.

It sure was a strange day.

**A/N: Yay. I did a little better with this chapter for you guys. Review my lovely readers! Xoxoxoxox!**


	10. Chapter 10

I decided to crash on the couch. Esme offered me one of the beds but that was a little bit too much for me. She nodded and said she understood, and gratuitously went to go get me blankets and pillows. I told her that was hardly needed, but she just smiled and said it would make her feel better. I shrugged, letting her go. I figured I owed much more to this women then just letting her get me sleeping supplies for what she did for me tonight, but it was at least a good start.

It turns out; I did wake up and found I was using the blanket. My feet were buried in it at the end of the couch. I cringed for a split second, ugh, vampire stench, but then forgot all about it. I was just glad I was able to sleep at all last night. When Esme first left me, it seemed as if I wasn't going to. When I eventually talked myself into finally laying down flat, all I did was lay awake thinking off how the talk was going to turn out to be, and the events of yesterday in general. I kept in mind what Esme said I guess, and nodded off. I did wake from a nightmare a couple hours before dawn, though. It seemed to have no sense to it, just a mash up scene of the pack, Sue and Emily crying and…. I scrunched my nose, trying to remember. Red. Lots of red.

When I awoke, there was nobody in the room, but I only had to wait a couple minutes before Renesmee can flouncing down the stairs. "Leah." She moved the blanket aside to hug me. "Daddy said you were awake, I could come talk to you."

I hugged her back, her bronze curls tickling my chin. "Don't worry, Ness, I'm alright now."

"Well that's what everybody told me, but I had to make sure." She broke away from me, a slight frown on her pink lips.

"Well, I'm still in one piece, aren't I?" I asked her, slightly grinning to make her from go away.

It worked, and her face started to imitate mine. "Yeah." She agreed, nodding. "And you didn't phase and destroy the living room like Emmett was teasing me that you would do."

"Well, I did, I just cleaned up." I joked, tweaking her nose.

She sighed and scooted a few inches from me, a thoughtful look on her face, completely ignoring my joke. "I'm sorry." She said after a couple minutes.

"I know, honey, it's okay." I soothed. "You only did what a normal person would do, you were happy for them, that's not a crime."

"I _am_ happy for them." She admitted.

"And that is completely alright." I stressed again.

She sighed again, tilting her face down so that her curls hid it. "Leah?"

"Yes Renesmee?"

"Maybe I should go over there with you, to talk to Sam and Emily, to make it up to you, I mean." She lifted her head slightly to shoot me a small smile.

I sighed. She just was desperate to make amends with me, I knew that. I also knew that if I said no, it would just break her heart again, but I had to do it. "I have to talk to them alone, Ness, for my own sanity."

As I expected, Nessie seemed to get smaller.

"But." I interrupted whatever she was going to say, if she was going to say anything. "Maybe you and Jacob can come over after we're finished. Or maybe you can go over to your grandfather's later, I'll probably be there, and then we can do something."

Nessie's face turned up in a smile. "I'll like to see grandpa." She agreed and came to hug me again.

()()()()()()

I rapped on Sam and Emily's door three times in quick procession. I really hoped Sam wasn't out on patrol or anything since I didn't hear him inside. Emily was moving around in the kitchen, and I would have just walked in, but it didn't seem right for this situation.

Soon enough though, Emily opened the door. "Leah?" Her face said she wasn't expecting me, her voice laced with surprise.

"Hi." I bit my lip. I can't believe Esme talked me into this! "Can I come in?"

"Sure." Emily smiled and backed away from the door, letting me pass. I slid besides her and went into the open kitchen wear a pot was boiling away on the stove. "I'm actually surprised to see you back so soon, Leah." Emily shrugged, going over to check the pot briefly, but then looking at me.

"Yeah, Well…" I shrugged, not knowing how to respond. "Is Sam here?" I curiously looked into the empty living room.

She followed my gaze, like she didn't know the answer. "No." She finally said. "He went on patrol with Embry and Jared early this morning. He should be back soon."

"Oh." I studied Emily curiously. That would be just my luck wouldn't it? If "soon." turned out to be not so soon at all. If I was stuck with the very weird acting Emily all day. Although, as I said, I'm not at all bashing her for acting weird. If she stormed out of my house all upset and came back the next day when she had a history of staying away for weeks, I would be acting weird too. I would be wondering what the hell she wanted and would probably be scared of the answer. And then again, who knows? She's pregnant. Pregnant people may act weird. I didn't know. I hadn't been around any pregnant women since mom was pregnant with Seth. "I'm sorry for storming out of here last night." I said to calm any fear she had. "I came back to talk to you and Sam about it, but since he's not home…" I made a move towards the door. I would just come back later if I was making her uncomfortable. I did that enough last night.

"No, stay." She immediately offered, breaking out of her funk. With my apology, her face turned back into my cousin's face, the one that always was turned up in a warm smile, even making her jagged scars look less frightening. "I'm making some stew. You could help. Or if you don't want to wait, there's food in the fridge." She twirled around to her pot once more and gave it a stir.

"Alright." I shot her a small smile and opened the fridge. I _was _hungry. Even though the Cullen's had offered me food, I had politely denied too nervous to eat. Now that I was here, and started to get things done, the hunger pains took over. "How about this?" I held a container off what looked like mashed potatoes out to Emily. "Or is somebody going to kill me if I eat them?"

She laughed. "No, I think you're safe."

I laughed along with her as I went to go warm them up. This was turning out to be okay, I could do it. It was just going to be a normal day with my cousin until Sam got home. How many other days had I just spent hanging out with Emily? I just did it last week…. wait, what if she was pregnant then? What if she had Sam's baby growing inside of her then and I didn't even realize it? She probably had, I thought, as my nose turned slightly up in disgust. You didn't find out that sort of thing when it first happened, now did you?

I realized my grip around the microwave handle was getting a bit too tight, and Emily was back to watching me with careful, worried, eyes. I quickly told myself to stop thinking about it and unwound my fingers from the handle. _Deep breaths, Leah, you can do this._ I turned back around to face Emily. "But I really am sorry."

"I know." Her face went back to old Emily's face after her microwave was safe. "We knew it was going to be hard for you, and trust me, that is one of our big concerns, and we were wrong we should of…" She trailed off, mouth transforming into a frown. The microwave beeped behind us.

"Let's not talk about this now, Em." I hurriedly put in before she could recapture her thought. "Let's wait for Sam…it will be easier to do this only once." Turning around to get my food was a good excuse to hide my own frown.

"You don't have to." She offered, pulling out a kitchen chair and sitting down, waiting for me to do the same. "Talk to me, and I'll talk to Sam. I know that would be easier for you."

"No." I corrected, sitting down. "It wouldn't. Sam has to answer to this too, and knowing him, he's going to want to." I briefly smiled, taking a little solace in the fact that I still knew that about him. Sam didn't run from mistakes. "And I'm not like I was before Em, I can stand to see him now." I snorted. "You know _that_, it's been years now." But I already knew what her answer was going to be. Yes, she knew that, but the last night's announcement changed everything. "I promise, I won't phase on you two and destroy your house." I chuckled, shoving potatoes into my mouth. "I didn't destroy Esme's living room last night, so I think yours is pretty safe."

"Esme?" She asked in surprise.

**A/N: As always, thanks for all the support guys :)**


	11. Chapter 11

We waited more than two hours for Sam to get home. At the hour mark, Emily was really starting to worry, saying that he had already been gone for an hour before I came, and he said he was going to make this one quick. I had to work hard to keep from chuckling. Sam? Patrol? Quick? Do those three words ever go together? But Emily _was_ the official pack worry wart and it _was_ only going to get worse with pregnancy, at least I would assume so. I quickly assured her that I was sure everything was fine though and quickly filled our times with my ramblings about the pack and life back with my mom and Seth. She bugged me once to start talking about what went wrong last night, but I quickly hushed her with a little bit of a glare across the kitchen table. It seemed to remind her successfully of what I said to her earlier and I didn't hear another word about it. Well, except for the fact that she asked if how I didn't know that Sam was home when I phased to come here. I had to explain that I didn't phase, that I walked the whole way and exactly why. Talk about embarrassing. If I would have known there were other wolves out there, I would have phased, but I wasn't taking any chances.

And anyways, the point was moot anyways, because if Sam was out there, forget it. I would have rather walked to Alaska then let him in my mind before I talked it out.

I was seconds from putting Emily in a straitjacket when Sam finally slid the sliding glass door open and stepped through. We had moved on to the living room though, so weren't paying attention, but we heard right away. He brought baggage.

"Aunt Emily!" Nine year old Claire came running in from the kitchen and attacked Emily with a hug. "I get to stay with you and Uncle Sam for a while. Quill's busy."

Emily returned the hug. "That's…great, Claire." She said as she gave me a sympathetic look. Her eyebrows rose up as if to say she didn't know anything about this and not to blame her.

"Quil practically all but begged me." Sam explained as he appeared in the doorway, already shoving a muffin in his mouth. "I knew you wouldn't refuse. Leah, what are you doing here?" His smile for Emily faded a little as his eyes traveled over to me. Like he didn't already know I was here as soon as he walked in the door.

"I came to…..talk." I answered, not being able to meet his eyes. Now that they were both here, I could feel the fire spreading back through my body. I was working hard to fight it though. It wasn't so bad that I was going to phase right here and now, I had more control then that, but I also didn't want to take no chances especially with Claire around. If I did happen to phase in front of Claire, Quil would never forgive me and Emily would probably have my head.

"Oh." Sam's eyes went from mine to Emily's to Claire's face still buried in her aunt's side. He silently chewed for a couple more minutes just staring at the three of us, and didn't speak again until he swallowed his last bite. "Nobody else could watch her…" He weakly explained looking at me apologetically.

"No, that's alright. Maybe I should come back later?" I forced a smile.

"No!" Emily almost shouted, as if everybody was going to die if I stepped out of the house. Maybe they would. "That's alright; Claire can just go play outside or something, right Claire?" She looked down at Claire who had now moved to the couch staring at us as if we were talking another language.

"But I don't wanna play outside Auntie! That's what I've been doing all day!" Claire argued, with a pout, looking at Emily with puppy dog eyes.

"Just until we got done talking, alright?" Emily started to reason with her. "Leah has something very important to say to us. We'll call you in after we're done. Maybe we can make cookies or something."

Claire looked like she was about to argue, but then she looked into Emily's face, and knowing that she was going to get in trouble if she didn't listen, got up and sulked past Sam to the back door. "Okay, But Uncle Sam has to help us make them." She said as she past him.

He chuckled and reached out to ruffle her hair causing her to shriek and sprint to the backdoor. After the door slid shut, He walked over and took Claire's seat on the couch. "Did you…" He trailed off, looking at me. "Did someone help you last night? Jake told me…"

"Yeah, they did." I interrupted him. "Don't worry; I'm still alive aren't I?" I had to force my eyes to stay on both of them as Emily took a seat next to Sam. She was being careful not to touch him though. Way back in my brain I found humor in that. They're concerned about rubbing me the wrong way now? Although I couldn't say it would be better for them to be touching. Even a slight leg touch could bother me. I really didn't know either way with the kind of state I was in. I heaved a sigh, but kept my face neutral.

"With no help from us though." Sam frowned. "Leah, I'm sorry. I went about last night in the wrong way. We should have told you first."

"But you didn't." I coolly replied. All three of us could sit there repeating that and any other various things that we could think of that they should have done last night all day, but it wasn't going to help anything, now would it? I was done with the blame game, such a childish venture. It made me feel like I should be out there with Claire, playing in the dirt.

"No, we didn't." He replied back. Just as coolly. "And now you're here…?" He trailed off again, appraising me cautiously. I understand how he felt. Just as Emily felt. They weren't expecting me to show my face here for a long time, and now that I did, nobody knew what to do.

"I am." I nodded. "I've been here for a good couple hours with Emily here. According to her you should have been home from patrol hours ago, but you just showed up a mere five minutes ago. Is there something out there that I should be aware of?" The question sounded formal even to my own ears. Emily seemed thankful I asked and turned to give Sam the same questioning look.

"It was nothing." He grumbled. "Really." He glanced at me and then gave Emily a softer look just as she was about to open her mouth which shut her up nicely. "I'm more concerned about you, Leah."

Fine, he had me pegged. I was stalling, but I didn't know how to start! My go to beginning was accusing them of not telling me first, but since we already established, the arguing about that would not get us anywhere, that was sort of moot. Maybe we didn't have to argue with it though, and it was as good as starting point then any. "Even if you two had told me first, I wouldn't be able to guarantee I wouldn't have the same reaction of last night." I pointed out the same thing I told Esme last night.

"We know." Emily spoke, quietly. "But there was a chance…..and we should have taken it….instead of embarrassing you in front of the pack."

"_Embarrassing me?"_ I spat, a little outraged. "I wasn't embarrassed! Come on, Em, you know that as well as I know that."

"Then what would you like to call it, Leah?" Emily challenged, knowing me well enough to know that her phrase was going to stick because I wouldn't be able to come up with another one that made sense.

"No matter what we call it," Sam interrupted us, "It happened. And trust me when I say this, Leah, I am so very deeply _sorry_. Sorry for everything. Sorry we are outing you through this…._again._"

**A/N: I have to mean and stop there, I'm sorry guys, But if I don't, this chapters going to be really long, and while I normally write long chapters, for some reason I haven't in this, and if I start now that would just be weird…..and now I'm rambling. So will Leah accept his apology? Stay tuned!**


	12. Chapter 12

Looking into Sam's eyes, I knew he was telling the truth. He was sorry, they both were and seeing the pain that seeped in his eyes made me feel…horrible?

Okay, fine. It did make me feel horrible, but only for actually running out on them last night, and making the situation way worse than it was. It didn't change anything else; it didn't change my feelings on the whole situation. I just realize I could have handled it better. There was no sense on telling them that though, especially Emily who would just come back with that they should have handled it better, not realizing that we were just going around in circles, clouded be her nagging need to comfort.

But as I looked into Sam's eyes, I knew he understood, and I knew he would take care of explaining this part to Emily later. With that realization, pain seared through me and I had to look away. See? These were the times that were painful, the times were it was apparent we still had a connection, that he still understood, and cared for me. Our wolves were pro's at hiding it by now, but sometimes we just can't escape these little human moments from getting in the way.

As if he couldn't help it, he slid a hand onto Emily's lap for her to hold, and I tried not to notice. He probably couldn't help it, he probably didn't even notice until he felt her hand slip into his. Either way, like I said, I gave no clue that I noticed. They were allowed to hold hands in their own house. I would be a monster if I had a problem with it. I had to look away though, I couldn't help it. I covered it up with looking through the kitchen, towards the sliding door, where I could see Claire's little head running past, looking like she was chasing something.

It wasn't until a couple minutes past, that I was able to look back at them. They were still holding hands, but I was sure they knew my sudden interest in seeing what Claire was up to, wasn't just about her safety. "I know." I spoke out loud for Emily's sake. "I know." And my words led me into the heavy awkward silence again, because I honestly didn't know what to say after that. Was there anything else to say? They were sorry for not telling me first so I can process the news without the production. I was sorry for running out on them last night and then threatening to kill myself, which I knew without asking got back to them and therefore just made me stepping out of this house a thousand times worse, and the baby was already starting to grow in my cousins stomach, due to come out in another nine months or so. Nobody could change any of that. I briefly remembered Esme saying the same words to me last night.

"Maybe you should get out of here for a while, take a break. Talk to Jacob about it, I'm sure it will be fine. "Sam suggested, breaking the dead silence after my short response. Well, not the complete silence. There was an annoying ticking from the wall clock above their heads that I swear I almost lost in and broke so many times. Emily says she likes it, because the house is not as silent when nobody is here, and that's fine. But when you're in one of these conversations and the clock decides to sound like a time bomb waiting to go off….well, you would want to break it too.

I shook my head. "Hardly necessary." I replied. "Besides….I think it's best to stay where the pack can….rein me in." I stuttered over the words in my half-assed explanation on why that would be a very bad idea.

"Rein you in?" Emily narrowed her eyes at me.

I want prepared to explain more, like it wasn't obvious that they were going to ask. I chastised myself violently. Of course they were going to ask. This was Emily and Sam we were talking about. They always ask. "I…lost myself to my wolf last night." I quickly popped out my explanation. I couldn't lie to myself any longer. That's what happened last night, I was just lucky it led me to a place it knew well rather than a place I didn't have any clue as to where I was and therefore would be left to my own devices. Because it that were the case, well, I wouldn't be talking right now. "It…scared me. I haven't done that in years….." I looked up at them desperately, like a little kid needing her parents.

"No, you haven't…"

Whether it was Emily or Sam who spoke it, I wasn't sure. All I knew was that both of their eyes suddenly filled up with even more hurt if that was even possible.

_Great going Leah, haven't you learned when to shut up?_ My inner voice started screaming at me. _Or better yet, not say anything at all._

Maybe it was right. Maybe I shouldn't say anything at all. But I also knew I shouldn't just run out of here and leave them hanging, either, or let the wolf have me. I was a better person then that now. I knew where I was needed. I knew the people who loved me. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I had made so many leaps over the years. I mean, come on, I let a bloodsucker talk me out of suicide yesterday, it would just be a major let down if I let myself go again. I knew I would fight the wolf, fight it with every bit of strength I had. No matter the pain I saw in their eyes. I didn't cause it. Neither did they. It was the wolf. And we had to fight to stop her. "I am happy for you Em," I slowly started, punching the wolf down with every word I said, and meant. "You too Sam. You guys are going to be amazing parents. More than amazing. You guys are going to be the best parents ever. I mean, look at Claire out there; she adores you guys, just like this baby is going too. And I….I want to be a part of that." I imagine the wolf cowering as I looked up into their eyes. The thing is, it wasn't just the wolf that needed fighting, it was myself too. The lonely heartbroken selfish me. That was who initially ran outside yesterday, that was the person who let the wolf take over in the first place. "I want to be a part of it." I whispered again, fighting back my heartbroken self. "No matter what, you were always there for me, Em, and now when it counts most, I _will_ be there for you."


	13. Chapter 13

Emily wrapped me in a hug so tight that it was fairly unbelievable and after a few seconds, Sam did too. Sam's was much shorter and brief, and a little more awkward, but I appreciated it all the same. "How long till…?"

"Your little niece or nephew joins the world?" Emily interrupted with a smile, as if she was daring me to correct her. "Seven months."

Wow, Okay, so they were trying to tell me Emily's been pregnant for two months now and didn't know? I mean, I don't know much about pregnancy, and it could be perfectly acceptable. It was just strange to think about. Even with the simple fact that we all knew Sam and all expected him to notice if there was even something remotely wrong with Emily. Thinking back though, he did. There has been many patrols in the last two months that Sam was distracting us all with his worries because of little things with Emily. Stuff like he noticed she was sleeping a lot more, or him getting home in the mornings from a night patrol to find her pale, causing him to worry that she was sick. It all made sense if you think about it though, so I looked up at them with a smile of my own and studied Emily closely. She looked like the same old Emily to me, sitting down on the sofa after she hugged me with a hand subconsciously over her still tiny stomach. "Wow." I nodded, "Are you sure your prepared for this, Sam?" I grinned at him jokingly.

"I've got time." He responded, tone more serious then mine, but seeming to relax all the same.

"He'll do fine." Emily informed us. "I keep telling him that. He does great with Claire-bear, and it's not _that_ much different."

"A ten year old in compared to a newborn?" He turned to stare at her. "Are you kidding me?"

She just giggled and patted his hand, looking back up at me again.

"You have known her since she was two you know. If you want a slighter gap." I offered him with a chuckle, relaxing a little more myself.

"I heard my name!" The said ten year old came bounding in the house right at that moment. "Is it time to make cookies now?" She stopped in the doorway to the living room with a grin on her face.

"Were you eavesdropping, Claire?" Sam looked at her and asked with a slight amused look on his face.

She shook her head, ponytail shaking with it. "No, I only heard that part, I promise! I was thirsty! So I opened the door to ask if I could get a drink…who's the baby? Can I play with it?" She looked up at all three of us with a gleam in her eyes.

Emily laughed. "not right now." She shook her head.

"Why not?" Claire demanded with a frown.

"Because its in her tummy." Sam grinned down at her.

Claire's frown automatically turned into a look of confusion as she stared at her aunts stomach. "Whats it doing in there?"

Sam and Emily automatically started laughing, thinking it was the cutest thing in the world. It was pretty cute, I had to admit, it was pretty cute, but as I was watching the three of them together and happy, I was feeling the wolf starting to come back up to surface.

"Growing." Emily answered her, but it sounded muted through my ears as I started pacing.

Would it be that bad? Would it? What Sam said? If I did take off right now? The wolf would overcome me, I knew it would, but... maybe it would be for the best.

"Leah?" Sam's voice broke through my short reverie. His voice, unlike Emily's, was closer and un-muted. I blinked, and he was inches from me, as I wandered in the kitchen during my musings.

"I'm fine." I mumbled, hearing Claire's and Emily's giggles in the other room.

"You were." Sam hedged, staring me in the eyes. "But then...a switch flipped."

I stared at him, fighting the urge to look away. "Yeah?" I challenged.

"I just...don't want you to freak out again."

Freak out. I chuckled at his word choice. It was very unlike him to use that phrase especially describing this, so I knew that he was uncomfortable. "I"m not going to." I shook my head, not being sure. I knew if I said that I was, he was going to insist on going out to keep a eye on me and that was the last thing I wanted him to do. I actually wanted him to stay here with Emily. I knew in order to do that though, I had to stay sane.

I took a deep breath and nodded. "Not going to." I repeated, starting to get the drink that Claire asked for earlier.

Sam appraised me silently for a moment. It was as if he wanted to say something but just didn't know how too. Again, I didn't blame him though. I turned around with the cup of juice and managed a smile at him. "Emily might need help explaining how the baby got in her stomach or something" I told him while walking past, earning myself a chuckle.

When I got in the living room, Claire literally was trying to listen to Emily's stomach. Even I had to admit that was cute. "Should I drink this, Claire-bear?" I jiggled the juice in my hands.

"My juice!" Claire bounded up and took the glass only to hug me around the middle. "Are you excited about the new baby?" She grinned up at me, pulling me to the couch to sit next to her and Emily. "Auntie Emily says we can play with it soon! Will you play with it with me Aunt Leah?"

I took a minute to pretend to be glancing out the window. I couldn't lie to Claire. I could attempt too lie to Sam or even Emily, but I couldn't lie to Claire.

"Aunt Leah?" Claire got up on her knees to see what I was looking at and quickly found it was nothing.

I gently grabbed her around the waist and brought her on top of my lap. She screeched as I tickled her stomach lightly. "Of course I'll play with the baby with you." I smiled.

"You will?" She gasped, eyes going wide.

I nodded, exchanging a glance and a smile with Emily and Sam over her head.

**A/N: Sorry for the really really really long wait between updating this. Its been crazy lately and I was at a standstill with this and I didn't want to rush it. As always, thank you for reading, I hope all of you enjoyed it and please review!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Epilogue:**

"Emily had the baby." Seth announced at dinner. "She what?" I turned towards him with a fork in my hands. This was news to me. Last I knew Emily was still at home and very cranky and most of all, very pregnant. "She went into labor this morning." Seth seemed proud to be supplying this information. "Sam called Jared to let him know and wouldn't let Jared leave his side until the little booger was actually born. I Guess he was really besides himself." "Why didn't he call me?" Mom pursed her lips. "Didn't he think for a second that someone else might have wanted to be there?" "Mom, I don't think he was thinking about anything," Seth responded. "He was freaking out all day. Think about it, his imprint was screaming bloody murder all day. If you were him, you wouldn't have thought either. " Mom muttered something into her dinner plate but then looked up with a smile. "Well is it a boy or a girl?" She asked. "Girl." Seth nodded, shoving potatoes in his mouth. "Sophie Alexandra."

I smiled to myself. Emily had that name picked out for months. They hadn't known it was going to be a girl as they wanted it to be a surprise, but Emily had secretly hoped it was a girl just so she could name her that. She claimed she would have been just as happy with a boy, but I knew that wasn't true to an extent. I knew that in her mind, a girl would be less likely to phase, which was what she really didn't want for her child.  
"Someone looks happy." Charlie gestured to me.

"To have Emily stop moaning and complaining that shes fat?" I responded. "Hell yeah."

Charlie chuckled. "She thinks that's going to stop he said with a sly glance at Mom that earned him a backhand.

"Well, fat or not, I'm going to go see them after we're finished." Seth announced. "Who's coming?"

)()()(

It turns out we weren't the only ones who had the idea. When we arrived at the hospital, practically the whole pack was all crammed in the waiting room.

"We were wondering when you two would show up." Paul grinned at us from from a chair by the door. "Join the party."

I watched as Mom dragged Charlie up to the front desk to a red haired nurse who looked as if she was doing anything but enjoying said "party." They talked for a few minutes then mom nodded and disappeared down the hall with Charlie awkwardly following. "How is she?" I asked Paul as Seth went to follow them down the hall.

"Which she?" He chuckled. 'Little she or bigger she...but maybe you should be worried about him."

Jared came out of the hallway that Mom disappeared into. He nodded, overhearing us. "I thought he was going to hyperventilate his head off." He chuckled, slapping me lightly on the shoulder. "Em's asking for you."

"No more people in the room!" The nurse snapped from her post.

"She's a bit cranky." Paul mock whispered, causing the nurse to frown. "Even I cant get her to crack a smile, right gorgeous?" He looked at the nurse in that flirty way of his.

The nurse scowled and looked downwards at the desk. "Only an hour left." She muttered to herself, not meant for us to here.

Paul cracked up. "The best hour of her life...she just doesn't know it yet." He muttered.

I sighed, chuckling. "Wait until Rachel here your flirting with other women."

"Aw, she'll be cool." Paul grinned. "She knows its just fun, besides, shes out of town. What else am I suppose to do?"

"I'm pretty sure the correct answer is not flirting with random girls." I answered. "I mean I'm neither a guy or imprinted, so it's just a guess."

"Who's imprinted." A voice said, coming down the hall the led to Emily's room.

Jared hissed. "Shut up, Jake!"

Jacob looked around and shrugged. "There's nobody but us here." He gestured to the now empty nurses desk. "And besides Leah said it first." He grinned at me, the birth of Sam and Emily's daughter putting us all in a good mood. "Emily's really begging for you to come in there, Leah."

"That's the second time I heard that in ten minutes." I mumbled, looking at the nurses station. "Hold you horses, Em."

)()()(

I made a quick escape down the hall before the nurse could come back. It was fairly easy to pinpoint the correct room but of coarse it had to be the furthest away and each time a doctor or nurse would pass by, I jumped, thinking it was the red haired women. It wasn't, and I rounded the comer of the room safety to look up at Emily propped up in a hospital bed with a tiny bundle in her arms with Sam hovering. "Hey." I smiled in greeting, staying by the doorway. Now that I was actually psychically seeing them in front of me, the pangs of jealousy and hatred started in my stomach. I pushed at them weakly. They were not going to ruin my cousins day, or mine in that case. I worked so hard over the past nine months to make the feelings disappear completely with to many people to count help, I would be dammed if they were going to flare up with a vengeance now. I frowned as I pushed at them harder and took a couple steps towards the bed.

I was quite aware of several pairs of eyes watching me from the side. Charlie, Mom, Seth and Nessie who must have came with Jacob all grew silent as they waited fro my reaction. I knew they were afraid I would start something, they had been concerned about it for months. Their watching just made me want to prove them wrong all the more though.

"Leah." Emily's voice was soft. "Come meet Sophie."

Her voice pushed me the rest of the way there, on the opposite side of Sam and peering down at the little girl.

She had Sam's eyes. Sam's brown eyes were staring up at me amongst the pink blankets. They were beautiful. "She has your eyes." I told him just as softly as Emily spoke.

He chuckled. "So I've been told."

I spared a glance at him. Sam was absolutely glowing with happiness and he would never admit it but tear stains on his cheeks tattled trailed that he cried a few tears of joy at one point or another. He probably got teased about that enough earlier so I kept my mouth shut as my eyes traveled back down to Sophie. As I watched, she blinked her eyes a couple time as if she was going to start wailing. She didn't though, but instead stopped, and looked up in wonder again as her tiny mouth turned up in a bright toothless smile.

The room erupted in soft laughter. "She likes you." Emily grinned up at me looking exhausted but happy. "That's your Aunt Leah." She cooed to Sophie.

"You like you Aunt Leah better then your uncle Paul." Sam laughed. "You cry every time you see him."

"And don't forget her Uncle Jared...and well basically everyone else." Emily glanced up at him lovingly.

I frowned as the feelings flared up again, but smiled as I was able to push them back down with a single laugh.

"Hey!" Nessie protested. "She liked me."

Emily turned her head to look at her. "Yes." She chuckled, "she loves you, Ness."

Nessie grinned and went back to hugging her grandfather.

After a while of Sophie staring and smiling at me, she got crabby and started wailing causing a nurse to come and whisk her away and told Emily she should rest. Emily tried to fight it, but after a while Sam enforced it, shooing everyone out. We all filed out with warm smiles for Emily and ended up in the waiting room now with a blonde nurse that Paul wasn't happy too happy about.

"Well if Em and Sophie are okay, I'm going home." He yawned. "Catch up on some sleep, someone kept me up paroling all day." He punched Sam's shoulder who followed us out when it became clear that Emily wasn't going to fall asleep while he was in there.

"Good luck with that." Sam waved him off.

Everybody else left under the same circumstances until only me and Sam remained.

"Its alright Sam. You don't have to stay here with me, I..I'll go run a quick patrol. Stop by tomorrow to see how you three are doing." I couldn't go home yet. I knew that better then I knew anything else. Mom would hound me and question every single action I took in the hospital room, wrong or not and then I wouldn't be able to face Emil, Sam or little Sophie again. Already the thought of not seeing Sophie ever again tore my heart out.

"Are you...sure?" Sam rubbed the back of his neck, looking exhausted himself. "I mean because..." He trailed of wincing.

I got up. "Sam...I will be back." I spoke in a even softer tone seeing as I was standing a mere couple inches away from him. "Do you even realize how much your daughter has already won me over?" I grinned. "Actually you better watch out. She may become a spoiled brat."

In spite of himself, Sam chuckled. "Leah Clearwater. Saying those words. Never in my life time did I think I would see that."

"You better get used to it." I smiled as sweetly as I could at him.

That made his eyes go wide.

I chuckled. "Just go back to your wife and daughter." I told him, starting to turn and walk away. "And tell them I love them." As if I couldn't resist myself, I shot another sweet smile at him, liking this new Leah that Sophie brought out.

"I will." Sam looked like he was in awe. Maybe he thought he was hallucinating. That this was all a dream. Either way, he looked pretty damn funny standing there. " and we love you too, Lee Lee."

And for the first time in a long time, my heart didn't break at the use of his old nickname for me.

**A/N: Well, guys, that's the end. Again, I apologize for the long wait in between updates. Half of it was being busy, and the other half was not wanting to end it. A major thank you to those of you who followed this story and reviewed it. You don't know how much that meant. Also, I would like to thank Fansluv16 again for being my first friend on here and giving the idea for this story. Without him, you guys wouldn't be reading this. I hope you guys thought this was a good ending. As always, review! Xoxoxo!**


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